


It'll be okay. Eventually.

by what_am_i_even_doing_tho



Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Angst, Could be seen as romantic or platonic, Depression, Gen, Hopeful Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, mostly hurt tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-21
Updated: 2020-04-21
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:22:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23771521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/what_am_i_even_doing_tho/pseuds/what_am_i_even_doing_tho
Summary: Natsu stops by Gray's house for a visit.But he quickly finds out that something is very wrong...Please read the tags! If this kind of thing is triggering for you, don't read!(Takes place sometime after the Galuna Arc)
Relationships: Natsu Dragneel & Gray Fullbuster, Natsu Dragneel/Gray Fullbuster
Comments: 1
Kudos: 91





	It'll be okay. Eventually.

**Author's Note:**

> Second posted fic woot woot! This is another oldie that's been sitting in my docs for a while. Honestly, the more I look at this the more I hate it, but oh well. Thanks again to my Discord pals for beating me with the validation stick about my writing. 
> 
> Please read the tags! If this stuff is triggering, don't read it. Make sure you're taking good care of yourself, and if you ever feel like harming yourself or taking your own life, please talk to someone. Things aren't as hopeless as they seem. I wrote this when I was going through a really rough time, so I know that things do get better. I know that may be hard to believe, but please never give up.
> 
> Thank you to [Skelly](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skellington101/pseuds/Skellington101) for looking over this and answering some questions for me! I really appreciate it.

“See ya later, little buddy!” Natsu called to Happy as the cat flew off.

“Aye, sir!” The blue Exceed shouted back.

Natsu arrived at Gray’s apartment shortly after and knocked on the door. He was met with silence and tried again.

“Maybe he’s not here,” He muttered to himself.

After waiting a minute, he tried the handle and found, to his surprise, that the door was unlocked. Gray only left his door unlocked when he was home so that ruled out him being elsewhere. Natsu stepped inside and immediately he noticed that something didn’t feel quite right. The apartment was supposed to smell like Gray, like mint, and pine needles, and fresh snow, but he caught a whiff of something different and out of place. It smelled like…

Blood.

Panicking, Natsu tore through the apartment, looking for his best friend. Gray’s scent got stronger the closer he got to the bathroom and he could hear the shower running. Natsu sighed in relief, thinking that Gray was fine, and made his way to the living room to wait for him, but he stopped mid-step when he heard a strange, muffled noise. He wouldn’t have heard it if he didn’t have heightened senses.

Curious, and fully aware that he was violating Gray’s privacy, he crept closer to the bathroom door. Natsu heard a few soft gasps and his face turned bright red. He was about to leave Gray to do… whatever… when the next sound coming from the other side of the door was a devastatingly broken sob.

Natsu called through the door on an impulse, not trying to hide the concern in his voice, “Gray?”

He heard several iterations of ‘fuck,’ each more shaky than the last, and some fumbling around. The water was then turned off before Gray answered.

“H-Hey Natsu. Sorry, I forgot you were coming over. I’ll-I’ll just be a sec.”

Instead of easing Natsu’s worries, what he heard scared him. Gray’s voice was wavering and cracking, and he was stuttering. He sounded nothing like what Natsu was used to. Again on an impulse, he asked, “Are you okay? Can I come in?”

Almost too quickly, Gray answered, “W-What? No no no no no I’m f-fine j-just wait.”

Natsu hesitated, wanting to respect his friend’s privacy, then decided that he needed to know what was going on. “Gray? I’m coming in.”

His hand hadn’t even touched the handle before Gray panicked and all hell broke loose.

“F-Fuck, no, Natsu, p-please fuck oh shit, oh god, I-I can’t... I don’t... please don’t please please please, just w-wait a minute, shit N-Natsu, you can’t you can’t... oh fuck fuck fuck fuck, I’m-I’m begging you, please don’t come in... g-goddammit, no no no, shit, you can’t see me like this… f-fucking hell it won’t stop…”

It was like time had stopped moving for Natsu. Gray’s words were slurred together and interrupted frequently by sobs, but Natsu knew what he said. Then, with a sudden jolt, he realized the smell of blood was getting stronger and his eyes widened when he recalled the last three words,

‘It won’t stop...’

All hesitation was forgotten. To hell with privacy, his friend needed him. Natsu opened the door with enough force to put a hole through the wall. He took in the scene before him, and despite his best efforts he gasped.

There was Gray, sitting in the bathtub, hugging his knees to his chest and shivering as if he wasn’t an ice wizard. Gray’s head rested on his knees and he was trying to stifle the sobs escaping him. He was covered in dozens of cuts. Most were on his thighs but there were a few on his wrists, including one that was fresh on his right. Some of the cuts had faded into years-old scars while some were only a few days old at the most.

Natsu saw something glint on the floor of the tub in front of Gray and he knew what it was almost instantly. He marched over, snatched the razor blade, and flushed it down the toilet angrily and Gray’s crying intensified. Now that the blade was gone, Natsu fell to his knees, bent forward, and put his head in his hands. Alarmed, Gray looked up and saw Natsu’s shoulders begin to shake. He was horrified when a moment later he tipped his head back, hands dropping to his sides, and let out a heartbreaking wail. Tears were streaming down his face, and he dropped his head again to rest it against the rim of the tub.

Gray could count the amount of times Natsu had cried on one hand. Natsu didn’t cry. It was just who he was. But now gut-wrenching sobs and moans of despair were escaping his friend. And it was his fault. He made Natsu cry. 

“I’m sorry…” Gray rasped out, voice hoarse from all the crying. Natsu didn’t say anything, just reached a hand out slowly to gently grab his right wrist. At first, Gray flinched away, then conceded and let Natsu take it. He was expecting Natsu to examine it but Natsu carefully slid his fingers down Gray’s hand, making sure not to hurt him, and entwined their fingers before giving the hand a soft squeeze. Gray squeezed back while the other hand shot to his mouth to muffle the sob that wanted to come out.

This wasn’t at all like what he thought it would be. Gray often thought about how Natsu would react, picturing the scenarios in his mind. There was one where Natsu laughed it off as a joke, one where Natsu couldn’t care less, and one where he got angry and yelled and hit Gray. The worst one was the one where Natsu called him disgusting and said their friendship was a lie and told Gray to get out of his life, that he didn’t want to waste his time with broken things.

None of that was happening though. Natsu was just holding his hand and crying brokenly. Gray decided that this was, by far, the worst possible outcome.

As time went on, Natsu calmed down and Gray’s shivering got worse. Natsu noticed and quickly pulled his hand back, rubbing his eyes. His head was tilted down and his bangs covered his eyes so Gray couldn’t see his face and he was almost relieved. If he saw what he had done to Natsu, he’d probably start crying all over again

With a sniffle, Natsu stood up. “I’ll get you some clothes,” he said softly. After a moment, Natsu came back to the bathroom and set the clothes down. He shuffled back out and closed the door behind him. Gray sighed; he had never wanted Natsu to know about this, to see this side of him.

When Gray exited the bathroom, he heard a sniffling noise. Following it, he saw Natsu curled up on the couch, hugging a pillow to his chest. His face was buried in the pillow, but it didn’t muffle all the noises of despair that he was making. Gray sat down near Natsu’s head and started running his fingers through the soft, pink locks. His eyes stung, but he didn’t think he had any tears left.

“Why?” Natsu’s voice was quieter because of the pillow, but Gray still heard it.

Gray was silent at first but then said, “It… It helps.”

Natsu made a strangled whine and clutched the pillow tighter. He knew what he needed to ask next, but he was so afraid of what the answer would be. Through his tears he asked, “Are we n-not enough…? Am… Am I not enough?” His voice cracked on the last word.

“Most days, you are. You’re my best friend.”

Another of one of those choking noises.

“It’s just that… some days are harder than others.”

Natsu was silent for a moment, aside from the quiet crying and sniffling. A thought crossed his mind.

“How-” He croaked out. He cleared his voice and tried again, “How l-long have you been doing this?”

Gray’s response was so soft that Natsu almost didn’t hear it, “Since Deliora killed my parents.”

Horrified, Natsu inhaled sharply and held his breath.

“Natsu…?”

Slowly, Natsu sat up and looked Gray in the eyes for the first time that night.

He exhaled and said, “I… I’m a horrible friend…”

“What!? No! No, that’s not true.”

“I’ve known you since w-we were kids and not once did I suspect anything. How could I n-not have noticed? W-we grew up together, for fuck’s sake; I should’ve known something was wrong! And your stupid stripping h-habit! How did I never see the scars?! I can’t believe what an idiot I’ve been… Holy shit, I’m s-so sorry I should’ve n-noticed I should’ve h-helped you-”

Natsu was rambling now and he was hyperventilating. Not knowing what else to do, Gray reached out with both hands and held Natsu’s face as hot tears traveled down. He gently stroked his cheeks and cut him off.

“-No one knew, Natsu. Not even Ur or the Master. I never told anyone, and I got really good at hiding it. Doing it in places no one would see and covering up the scars with makeup. You didn’t know me before Ur and Deliora, so you had no way of knowing that I was acting differently. You just figured it was my typical behavior. 

“And you’re already helping me. Everyday you help me, along with the rest of the guild. You guys give me a reason to keep fighting, to keep living. I… I don’t know where or who I’d be if it weren’t for Fairy Tail. Honestly, I probably would’ve killed myself long ago.”

Natsu’s eyes widened. “You… You w-wouldn’t do that n-now… Would you…?”

Gray didn’t say anything at first and let his hands drop.

“P-Please Gray… Please tell me y-you wouldn’t.... We need you here… I-I need you here…”

With a sigh, Gray rubbed a hand over his face. He turned his head; he just couldn’t look Natsu in the eye and tell him this.

“I… Today is the anniversary of when Deliora attacked my home. I forgot you were coming over and… I was going to… Or at least try… I’ve tried before, but… Never really had the guts to do it...”

The sound of despair coming from Natsu was a sound Gray never wanted to hear again. It was the sound of a heart breaking because of something Gray had done. Natsu lunged forward and buried his face in Gray’s chest. He was whispering something Gray couldn’t make out at first.

After a moment, Gray was able to make it out. Natsu was chanting, “please don’t go Gray please you can’t no no no no please Gray,” over and over again. Gray wrapped his arms around the shaking boy and Natsu fisted his shirt.

“Those days come a lot less often than they used to, Natsu. When they do come, I usually make myself busy so I don’t have to think about it. Today’s just… Really bad… I felt so alone and… I couldn’t handle it…”

“You’re n-not alone. I’m here. I’ll a-always be here. You-You’re my best friend and I c-can’t imagine a life w-without you.”

“I know… I just forget that sometimes…”

Suddenly, Natsu pulled back and looked at Gray with one of the most serious expressions he’d ever seen on him. “T-Tell me when you forget. I’ll h-help you remember.”

The room was quiet for a long time but finally Gray nodded slightly.

“And when you want to h-hurt yourself.”

This time, Gray tried to look away but Natsu reached a hand up to keep him in place. Gray met Natsu’s eyes again and took a deep breath, exhaling slowly.

“I’ll try.”

“P-promise? For both?”

“Promise.”

Natsu sighed in relief and fell into Gray’s chest again. Slowly, he stopped crying and his breathing became deeper, more steady. Gray laid his head on top of Natsu’s and started drifting off.

His last thought before sleep took him was, ‘It’ll be okay. Eventually.’

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Stay safe!


End file.
